Megaman: The Ridiculous Battles
by cog
Summary: A story I wrote for fun. I think its pretty funny. Please Read & Review.


1 Megaman: The Ridiculous Battles  
  
We'll get to the story in a second but first I'd like to say that I don't own some of the characters represented in this story so don't sue my pants off. Because I need my pants. Also I don't use the Japanese names of the characters, because quite frankly, I am not Japanese (also I think Protoman sounds so much cooler than Blues as a name).  
  
Now onto the story  
  
  
  
(Dr. Light is in his lab and awakening Megaman from a sleep state.)  
  
Light: Megaman, wake up! We need you, Wily's back!  
  
Megaman: What? Wily? Ugh, not again! I'm really, really sick of him breaking out of jail, then I have to fight him.  
  
Light: Me too, but what can I do about it?  
  
Megaman: Well, you can start by putting on some pants, I mean god that's not an image I want to see when I wake up.  
  
Light: Sorry, I didn't realize you were so grossed out by male nudity.  
  
Megaman: I shudder at the thought. Anyway which eight robot masters do I have to fight this time? Sonic Man? Pencil Man? Smellslikeass Man?  
  
Light: Actually, Megaman, they don't have the "Man" surname this time. Instead Dr. Wily has assigned them all to put "Mr." in front of their name.  
  
Megaman: aw geez, the robot names situation gets more and more ridiculous each time. But hey look on the bright side, at least I don't have to fight villains like Axle the Red and Blizzard Buffalo like X does.  
  
Light: And we can all thank god for that. Now quickly, get to the teleporter so I can send you to the first robot master's stage.  
  
Megaman: OK, but first I have a question. What happened to all of the powerups that I earned the last time I fought Wily?  
  
Light: Well, I kinda…well I…  
  
Megaman: you what?  
  
Light: gave them to Protoman.  
  
Megaman: grr, yet again old man, you have reduced my chances of winning greatly. Why do you do this to me everytime?  
  
Light: Sadism, stupidity, who knows really? Anyway get going.  
  
(Megaman teleports away)  
  
The First Robot Master's Level  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Megaman: (looking around) hmmm, fire pits, firewalls, enemies that shoot fire…this almost assures me that I'm facing an ice robot master in this stage.  
  
(Megaman fight his way through the level and makes it to the door of the robot master's chamber)  
  
Megaman: I guess this is it. (Walks in)  
  
Voice: Welcome Megaman, to your HELL!  
  
Megaman: Well, I dunno, I wouldn't really call this Hell, a pain in my ass maybe, but not Hell.  
  
Voice: (whispering) Just go with it, it's a fire level.  
  
Megaman: oh OK. Where are you? Come out and fight me!  
  
Voice: I am here!  
  
(Megaman turns around to face his foe)  
  
Megaman: Who, who are you?  
  
Voice: I am…MR. HOT!  
  
Megaman: Mr. Hot? (Laughing) haha, Mr. Hot!  
  
Mr. Hot: oh come on, what did you really expect? I was built by the same guy that made Hard Man for Christ's sakes.  
  
Megaman: I guess.  
  
Mr. Hot: now come on, fight me!  
  
(They fight; Megaman wins easily, gaining the Hot Wave weapon attachment)  
  
Megaman: Lord, that was easier than I thought it would be. Pretty tame for "My Hell" if you ask me.  
  
Mr. Hot's Dying remains: Well, I'm a Wily-Bot, what did you frickin expect? (Dies)  
  
Megaman: He's dead, what a shame. (Teleports out of level)  
  
Back in Dr. Light's Lab  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Megaman: Well, I've beaten "Mr. Hot" so you might as well send me to the next robot master's stage.  
  
Light: I will, but first I need to give you this speed power-up that makes you run faster.  
  
Megaman: Am I going to need this… Ever?  
  
Light: No, probably not. Now go Megaman, and fight! For everlasting peace!  
  
Megaman: Way to quote the first game.  
  
(Megaman teleports away)  
  
The Second Robot Master's Level  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Megaman: Well, lets assess the situation for a minute…yep, normal level, nothing out of the ordinary, not too much of a challenge if you ask me. I'll just walk to the (walks on spikes) Dammit. (Dies)  
  
Megaman: OK, I am revived and am going to continue the stage now. Hey is that a met up the—(walks on spikes) Dammit. (Dies)  
  
Megaman: OK, this time, I can't walk on the spikes I have to jump over them. (Jumps over the spikes) whew, what an ordeal, now to just (walks on different spikes) Dammit. (Dies)  
  
Megaman: OK, this time I have to avoid the spikes totally, so I can go and defeat the robot master of this damn level and also so I can advance the plot. (He avoids them)  
  
(Megaman finishes the level and makes it to the lair of the robot master)  
  
Megaman: well, lets see what asshole I have to take on this time. (Walks in)  
  
Voice: Megaman, you will be at my mercy!  
  
Megaman: and who's mercy would this exactly be?  
  
Voice: I am here, Mr. SPIKES!  
  
Megaman: Dammit.  
  
(They fight, Megaman dies a number of times, but finally wins after the 34th try)  
  
Megaman: Oh god is it over?  
  
Mr. Spike's remains: you do know I was weak to the Hot Wave weapon, right?  
  
Megaman: Dammit.  
  
(Mr. Spikes dies) (Megaman gets the spikes shield weapon and teleports out)  
  
Back in Dr. Light's Lab  
  
Megaman: (teleports in) wow, hat battle sucked, why didn't you tell me that he was weak to the Hot Wave?  
  
Light: I thought you knew.  
  
Megaman: Why the HELL would I know? I mean come on you ARE the robot scientist here; you know the one responsible for my creation!  
  
Light: I never told you the robot master's weaknesses before.  
  
Megaman: Well, maybe you should have. Anyway, who's the next robot master that I have to fight? Is it the standard Megaman electric villain? The standard Megaman Air villain? The standard Megaman snake villain?  
  
Light: Well, not exactly, umm, why don't you just go and find out for yourself?  
  
Megaman: fine. (Teleports out)  
  
The Third Robot Master's Level  
  
Megaman: (teleports in) Dammit Light. Why doesn't he tell me the names of these robot masters so I can at least get prepared? I wonder what this damn spike shield does (activates spike shield and spikes surround him) wow. Well at least I can figure out the robot master by looking at his stage (looks around) hmm, wheeled enemies, ice enemies, electric enemies, Oh! Forest enemies. Yep, I'm absolutely positive that I have no clue as to who the robot master is.  
  
(He continues on through the odd level and enters the robot master's level)  
  
Voice: Who dares to enter?  
  
Megaman: Tis I, Megaman!  
  
Voice: Oh Shit…I mean hahaha, I will defeat you!  
  
Megaman: Who are you?  
  
Voice: I'm right behind you!  
  
Megaman: (Turns around) No, it can't be, its, its YOU! Wait a minute…I don't know you.  
  
Voice: Well, I'm Mr. Broken, basically pieces of other old robots put together into one.  
  
Megaman: So what's your weapon?  
  
Mr. Broken: Weapon?  
  
Megaman: groan  
  
(They fight, Megaman wins easily and gains the Broken Buster, it does nothing, he teleports out)  
  
Back in Dr. Light's lab  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Megaman: This is really getting ridiculous, seriously, is Wily running out of ideas or what?  
  
Light: I dunno, but you only have one more robot master to go!  
  
Megaman: Wait, there are eight robot masters.  
  
Light: shh, you're only supposed to know that there are 4, then once you've defeated them another 4 appear.  
  
Megaman: Well, number 1, we've done this plot already, and number 2 at the beginning of this story you confirmed that there were 8 robot masters.  
  
Light: yeah well, the plot is happening again OK? Capcom has run out of original ideas for this series.  
  
Megaman: like they hadn't 2 years ago.  
  
Light: just shut your mouth and try to keep our jobs for another few years will ya?  
  
Megaman: OK, so you're gonna send me to my certain doom again without telling me what or who I have to fight, right?  
  
Light: You've done this before!  
  
(Megaman teleports out)  
  
The Fourth Robot Master's Level  
  
Megaman: (teleports in) well, it seems that I've made it fully intact and unharmed. Dammit. I'll just go through this and beat the robot master without even trying to guess who it is because I know if I do then I'll be severely let down.  
  
(He fights through the stage and enters the robot master's room)  
  
Voice: Megaman, how nice of you to join me.  
  
Megaman: Who's there?  
  
Voice: Me, Mr. Freeze!  
  
Megaman: Arnold?  
  
Mr. Freeze: huh?  
  
Megaman: sorry had you confused with someone (in his head: Good god Capcom, I thought it was bad with Aqua Man, but this Mr. Freeze thing is really gonna get you into trouble.)  
  
Mr. Freeze: So do you want to fight?  
  
Megaman: quite.  
  
(And they fight, Megaman wins, as usual, and gains the Frost shot, he then teleports out)  
  
Back in Dr. Light's Lab  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Megaman: Mr. Freeze?! Mr. Freeze?! You've gotta be kidding me!  
  
Light: Who?  
  
Megaman: Mr. Freeze!  
  
Light: Oh, yeah, we can't refer to him anymore, Capcom got sued.  
  
Megaman: How unexpected.  
  
Light: OH NO! Megaman, four new robot masters have appeared!  
  
Megaman: We've been through this before. So go ahead and send me without any kind of warning again.  
  
Light: well, I was going to warn you about the next robot master, but as per your request, see ya later!  
  
(Starts to teleport Megaman away)  
  
Megaman: Dam-  
  
The Fifth Robot Master's Level  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Megaman: -mit. Anyway, let's have a look around. Well, this level is quite dirty, quite dirty indeed. I hope I don't get any diseases or anything.  
  
(He fights his way through the level and encounters some extremely unclean enemies, usually having names that reference poop, and finally finds the robot master's room)  
  
Megaman: let me have a look at what this robot master is, probably something that I don't want to bother with, but I have to. For Everlasting Peace!  
  
(He enters a room that looks like Louie Anderson filled up a toilet, then it exploded, then he filled it again and it exploded again)  
  
Voice: Megaman! Welcome to my lair, this will be your final day!  
  
Megaman: It will not! Now where are you so we can fight?  
  
Voice: I am hiding in the walls, for you see I am (jumps down from wall) SOILED MAN!  
  
Megaman: Again, I have two problems here. Problem 1, Soiled Man? Wily must REALLY be out of ideas if he's making Soiled Man. Problem 2, I thought in this game all of the robot masters had Mr. In front of their names instead of having Man at the end. What happened to you?  
  
Soiled Man: Well, to give it to you bluntly, the whole "Mr." thing wasn't working and don't you think Soiled Man sounds a lot better than Mr. Soiled does?  
  
Megaman: Actually I think that both names are horrifying. Now let's fight, but before we do, would you mind telling me your weakness? Because I'd like to get out of this place as quickly as possible.  
  
Soiled Man: Frost Shot.  
  
Megaman: it's appreciated. (Megaman then brutally murders what was once Soiled Man and gains the most horrifying weapon in Megaman history, the Poop Cannon, and teleports out)  
  
Back in Dr. Light's Lab  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Megaman: you know, I'm sensing that the author of this story is following a pattern  
  
Light: yes…story  
  
Megaman: so anyway, are Protoman or Bass or any of those other fan- favorites going to makes appearances or is it up to me to carry this story?  
  
Light: You'll see in the future, you'll see.  
  
Protoman: see I'm right here.  
  
Megaman: is this your only appearance in the game?  
  
Protoman: yes, but wait, now I thought you knew that this was a story, why are you calling it a game? Don't you even believe yourself?  
  
Megaman: I don't know what to believe anymore. Well, thanks for the cameo Protoman, but I must be off to face the next robot master.  
  
(Teleports out)  
  
The Sixth Robot Master's Level  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Megaman: OK, I'll go through the routine now  
  
(Megaman beats the level, fights a robot master of some sort, gets a new weapon and teleports out)  
  
Back in Dr. Light's Lab  
  
Megaman: WOW, What a battle that was.  
  
Light: Megaman listen, we have to beat the remaining robot masters and if you are going to be unenthusiastic about it I can always send Protoman.  
  
Megaman: Please do! I hate, hate, hate putting up with this crap, I mean its been a long LONG time and even though I am a robot, that doesn't mean I cant get tired!  
  
Light: Well, too bad I'm sending you.  
  
(Light Teleports Megaman away)  
  
The Seventh Robot Master's Level  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Megaman: I'm in a new level, I have to beat the level and the robot at the end and gain a new weapon. Story of my FRICKING life!  
  
(Goes through level until he is in the robot master's room)  
  
Megaman: Well, I wonder what robot master I have to fight in this level.  
  
(Random looking robot jumps out)  
  
Robot: I am Point Man!  
  
Megaman: Point Man? What's you're special weapon?  
  
Point Man: Well…I point (points at Megaman) Ha Ha Ha, I have you in my grasp now!  
  
Megaman: Dude, you're just pointing at me.  
  
Point Man: But.. But, I'm pointing fiercely…right?  
  
Megaman: Fraid not, you're just pointing. (Charges up the Poop Cannon and shoots Point Man with it)  
  
Point Man: Oh GOD! Its POOP! (Runs off)  
  
Megaman: Good enough for me. (Teleports out)  
  
Back in Dr. Light's Lab  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Light: My computer tells me that Point Man isn't dead yet.  
  
Megaman: Yeah I know, he ran away and I didn't feel like fighting him anymore so I left.  
  
Light: But he's a menace, you have to go back and beat him.  
  
Megaman: No I don't.  
  
Light: but, don't you want his weapon?  
  
Megaman: Why, so I can point? Fork that.  
  
Light: sigh all right, just go to the final robot master's stage.  
  
Megaman: Is this one gonna be terrible like the last three too?  
  
Light: I guarantee it.  
  
(Megaman teleports out)  
  
{NOTE: I have nothing against rap, Megaman however hates it, don't ask me why}  
  
The Eighth Robot Master's Level  
  
(Megaman teleports in) (Rap music is playing)  
  
Megaman: Not rap! My one true weakness! (He holds his ear in pain and walks through the level)  
  
Megaman: Good god, I hope the robot master's room is a little better than this (walks in) This is not good, not good at all.  
  
(The room is still playing rap music, only much, much louder and is also filled with all of the rap video clichés such as bitches, drugs, alcohol and men in a fisheye lens camera wearing clothing that is much too large for them.)  
  
Voice: Yo! Who be comin' through ta ma hizouse? I'm Rap Man Foo'!  
  
Megaman: not good at all.  
  
Rap Man: Come on N**** {not gonna say that word}, lets throwdown so I can show you up PUNK!  
  
Megaman: Dammit. Dammit, Dammit, Dammit. DAMMIT!  
  
(An obviously enraged Megaman fights Rap Man and wins, he then blows up Rap Man's pieces, kills all the others in the room, destroys all traces that the level ever actually existed, and teleports out)  
  
Back in Dr. Light's Lab  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Megaman: Rap Man. My old nemesis.  
  
Light: I thought spikes were your old nemesis.  
  
Megaman: yeah, but I hate rap more.  
  
Light: OK, I'm gonna send you to Wily's castle now.  
  
Megaman: He built ANOTHER castle?!! God, who allows him to do this? I mean, the guy has this huge track record of trying to take over the world or whatever, don't you think people would notice he was building a huge castle and say, "wait a minute maybe we shouldn't let him do this"? I'm just saying is all.  
  
Light: I have no Idea.  
  
Megaman: So what's the castle challenge now? Do I have to fight the robot masters again? Maybe fight Bass? Does Rush have any place in this game?  
  
Light: Again, no idea.  
  
Megaman: Well, let me go find out then. (Teleports out)  
  
Wily's Castle  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Megaman: now begins the quest, the quest to defeat Wily, again!  
  
(He begins to fight through the level, but encounters Treble, who he must fight)  
  
Treble: Bark bark, I'm a dog.  
  
Megaman: (kills Treble)  
  
Treble: Ouch! I'm Dead!…Maybe  
  
Megaman: Time to continue.  
  
(He continues to fight his way through the level and makes it to the end, where he encounters Bass)  
  
Bass: I will not let you harm Wily!  
  
Megaman: wait, I thought you didn't care about Wily.  
  
Bass: Who's Wily?  
  
Megaman: The Bald Guy, you're supposed to be guarding him, he created you…  
  
Bass: Oh right, Doc Brown, OK that makes sense. I will not let you harm him!  
  
Megaman: But I thought you didn't care about him.  
  
Bass: I, I might care abut him.  
  
Megaman: No you really don't.  
  
Bass: well, OK, I don't but I'm going to fight you anyway  
  
Megaman: Why?  
  
Bass: Because if I don't it really wont be much of a last level now will it?  
  
Megaman: I suppose. Lets fight then.  
  
(They fight, Bass dominates early on but Megaman takes control later, they continue until Bass has only half of his energy left, then Treble comes {back from the grave???} to his aid and combines with him.)  
  
Trebass: Bark bark, Who's Wily?  
  
Megaman: Dear god he got dumber, he actually got dumber.  
  
(They start fighting again and Megaman is forced to use his only energy capsule, he then starts to hurt Trebass badly with the Hot Wave and the Frost Shot, and with his last ounce of strength blasts Trebass and they separate.)  
  
Bass: Megaman, you have beaten me and Treble  
  
Treble: Bark  
  
Bass: I will…wait, why were we fighting again?  
  
Megaman: Good Lord, just let me go through.  
  
Bass: OK  
  
(He steps aside and Megaman walks into Wily's chamber, Wily comes in from the other side in of course…)  
  
Megaman: Another Giant Skull.  
  
Wily: That's right Megaman, another unbeatable Giant Skull!!! Ha Ha Ha!  
  
Megaman: Well, I don't know that it's ANOTHER unbeatable giant skull, because if they were all unbeatable, I wouldn't have beaten them all.  
  
Wily: point taken, but I think that this time you are going to be finished  
  
Megaman: All right then Wily, let's get to it so I can beat you and go home and go to sleep.  
  
Wily: Who says you're gonna win?  
  
Megaman: all of the other Megaman games ever made  
  
Wily: OK, OK, I admit that my past history in fighting you isn't very good, but I'm confident that this time I can beat you  
  
Megaman: what makes you so sure?  
  
Wily: Well, Bass said he'd hit you from behind if I was in trouble  
  
Megaman: I got news for ya, Bass doesn't know who you are let alone knowing that he's supposed to be helping you  
  
Wily: Crap. I guess I'll have to beat you alone then.  
  
Megaman: Yeah…Beat me.  
  
(They fight, Megaman destroys the giant skull, Wily is in a saucer now)  
  
Wily: Ha Ha, I am not beaten yet!  
  
Megaman: another form, what a surprise. You've never done this before.  
  
Wily: Yes…Yes I have.  
  
Megaman: It was SARCASM! God Damned SARCASM! Don't you understand sarcasm?  
  
Wily: No I guess not, let's fight!  
  
Megaman: Fine!  
  
Wily: Wait, you're not scared?  
  
Megaman: Why the hell should I be, you've done all of this before and I've beaten you every time.  
  
Wily: Well, this time you should be because my saucer now has…A LASER!!!  
  
Megaman: The other ones had lasers too.  
  
Wily: All right, Mr. Smug, lets just fight.  
  
(They fight, Megaman wins)  
  
Wily: No! I am defeated again! But wait, I have something to show you! I am really an (transforms) ALIEN!!!  
  
Megaman: Jesus Capcom, you just love to reuse things don't you?  
  
Wily: Lets just fight, OK?  
  
Megaman: But why? You know I'm going to win.  
  
Wily: To make the game longer for the person playing.  
  
Megaman: Wait a second, we're in a game?  
  
Wily: Now I'M confused. I mean first you think its real, then you thought it was a game, then you knew it was a story and now you think its real again?  
  
Megaman: Pretty Much.  
  
Wily: Well, lets fight now.  
  
Megaman: As you wish.  
  
(They fight again, Megaman wins, Wily is defeated, and is also reverted to a human, because you know…the alien thing was a ruse)  
  
Megaman: I really really should kill you right now.  
  
Wily: Ah, but you can't, you see Asimov's law of robots says a robot must never harm a human.  
  
Megaman: I don't really give a shit what Asimov says. (Kills Wily)  
  
(Megaman teleports out)  
  
Back in Dr. Lights Lab  
  
(Megaman teleports in)  
  
Light: Megaman, you broke the law of robots and killed a human, you are a disgrace to me, your creator.  
  
Megaman: aww hell you! You know damn well that if I hadn't killed Wily he would just escape jail and start this whole thing over again.  
  
Light: Yeah, but…you're a robot.  
  
Megaman: Shut-up, I wanna go over what just happened here. First I fought some really badly designed robot masters, we made some poop jokes along the way, then I found out Bass was a moron, destroyed Wily's plans and broke the law of robots. My goodness this whole ordeal should be stricken from the record, seriously.  
  
Protoman: And don't forget I made a stupid and pointless appearance!  
  
Megaman: yet another reason that this game/story/experience was horrible, so to everyone reading, I am truly sorry and goodnight.  
  
THE END 


End file.
